About a month ago, I had a baby girl (hence the short hiatus from writing on this blog). Whoa! Talk about a life-changer! I suddenly went from working full-time outside of the home, getting a decent amount of sleep (as decent as you can expect for a pregnant woman), spending loads of time alone with my husband, and being fairly free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to working full-time in the home as a mom, sleeping very little, having very little time to spend alone with my husband, and being constrained by when the next time I need to feed the baby is. It has been challenging at times, but also amazingly wonderful. I could--and sometimes do--stare at my little girl for hours on end. It's incredible to me that she's really mine. It is crazy to me how much I love this little human and incredible to me that I would do ANYTHING for her. There is a huge part of me that just wants to spare her from every pain, every possible trial she could face. And yet, I know that I can't.
It is precisely that reality that I want to write about today. My baby girl is usually a pretty happy baby. She doesn't usually fuss too much. We are really lucky. But, there have been several times in the last month where she has been up (which means I have been up) literally ALL.NIGHT.LONG. We suspect that she has reflux that is causing her a lot of pain, and her little digestive system just isn't quite sure what it's doing yet. A few nights ago, she just screamed and screamed for hours and hours. I tried everything I could think of--walking around, holding her in different positions, singing, bouncing on an exercise ball while holding her, rocking her in the rocking chair, trying to burp her, feeding her again--but to no avail. She was just miserable. My heart was breaking. I wanted to badly to just take away her pain. I felt so helpless.
It was in the midst of this sleepless night that I couldn't help but think about how there must be times that our Heavenly Father feels like that. There must be times where we are hurting--physically, spiritually, mentally--and He wants to badly to take it all away for us, but He can't. There are many possible reasons He can't just take it away. Sometimes it's because the reasons we are hurting are the result of choices that we have made, and we are just suffering the natural consequences for our decisions. Sometimes it's because we won't allow Him to help us because of our own stubborn pride. Sometimes He can't help us because we don't know how to let Him help us. And then, as in the case of my baby girl, He can't help us because life is just hard sometimes and we have to experience hard things. But that doesn't mean He's not close to us, nor does it mean that He doesn't care. I couldn't take away the pain and the discomfort from my baby girl, but that certainly doesn't mean I didn't care. I was there to comfort her and to let her know that someone loves her. The Savior will do the same for us. If we seek Him, He will not always take away our pain entirely, but He will at least be there to comfort us and help us know that we are not alone. He will always send His Spirit to help us know that we are loved.
I know that the Savior is always there for us to comfort us and guide us. I know that if we seek Him, He can help us to bear our burdens. I love Him.
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