As a general statement, I have always been very proud of my work. I always try my hardest and have been blessed to have some accomplishment doing my best. The past month or two at work, I have been overwhelmed with the feeling that my best just is not enough. I told a friend that every day I go into work I think, "Well, here it is, today is the day they will probably fire me." :)
There has been so much anxiety weighing on me that it has affected a lot of different areas of my life. I've even gotten sick a few times in the morning because of it (this started when I was doing Teach for America --> epic side note: at first my coworkers thought I had morning sickness. Upon realizing this was an impossibility, it was determined it was anxiety :) ) Every Wednesday I volunteer at the Seattle LDS Temple from 4 pm - 10 pm. This past Wednesday I got pulled into a meeting and then asked to do something by a Senior Vice President. I was not leaving work until that project was finished. And finishing that project made me an hour late in getting to the temple.
The same anxiety that I have been feeling in the morning as I head to work, was coursing inside of me as I was driving to the temple. "This is it, they are probably going to fire me," I thought (though I'm not quite sure how you get fired from volunteer work... regardless. It was a legitimate concern). I walked in expecting to be met with people who were upset I hadn't told them I'd be late, or that I had messed up the schedule for the night, or that I might as well go home if I wasn't going to show up on time. Instead, I was met with nothing but love. Everyone was so happy to see me! Since I had arrived later than usual, another woman covered my work for 20 minutes so I could run downstairs and eat dinner. No one even mentioned that I was late. They were only appreciative that I was there.
Important takeaways from this experience:
1. The temple is the great antidote for anxiety :) Inside of that holy place, the cares of the world are truly stripped away and peace flows into your mind and heart.
2. I need to go to work to provide for myself and be self sufficient. That can be dreadfully weary. However, and in sharp contrast, when you are serving others as the Savior would if He were here, you receive strength beyond your own to accomplish all the things He needs you to do.
3. It is beautiful that the Lord proclaims His work as solely being focused on helping others.
I suppose we will all have rough days (or months) at work. I think that if we can shift the purpose and meaning of that work away from only considering ourselves, and start to think about how we are working to benefit those around us, perhaps that work becomes not as tiring and more fulfilling. And perhaps we are able to receive more help and guidance from the Lord. Again, I am so grateful for the time I get to spend inside the temple each week, working alongside people who teach me so much about being more like our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love you all too much -
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