Well if that title didn't grab your attention I don't know what will! We are fast-approaching the season of “goal-setting”. I appreciate the chance to do some reevaluation on my life, but! I also try and do this more frequently than once a year. And one practice that has been SO helpful is instead of only focusing on goals, is giving thought to my fears. (This TED talk by Tim Ferris will take you through the exercise)
Most of our fears are unfounded. And the best antidote to any of those is faith. So! Here are my latest ruminations re: the topic as told through me being irrational in social settings!
Let's get this party started!
I remember clear as day my first Stake Dance (PSA - stake dances are church dances. Can't go until you are 14-yrs-old. Kind of a Mormon rite of passage). If you didn’t know, I’m the oldest child in my family. My whole life has been doing things “first”. Generally speaking, this is not something that has bothered me. And! I love dancing, LOVE dancing. Love it. So - I wanted to go. But! My family had recently moved to the area and as one of the older people in my class - I knew absolutely no one that would be there. Well - I did know a couple people. There was the high school guy who had mooned me one day when I got off the bus and he was driving by with his friends. And a few girls a couple of years older than me who were definitely too cool to care about an eighth-grader.
My mother drove me by myself to the church building. You need to know - I love my mother dearly, but she is not one to coddle you in any way. We pulled up to the church parking lot and I literally started hyperventilating. The prospect of walking into that church building was causing a panic attack. Not sure what I was so afraid of - but I was scared stiff. I looked at my mom with wild eyes and told her I couldn’t go in there by myself. She had zero sympathy. She had just driven me there, so I was going to get out of the car and go to that dance. I held back tears and wallowed in my feeling of full-on abandonment as I trudged to the gym. I would love to tell you that I walked in there and magically life was amazing. Not true. I became the awkward clinger who drifted toward the older kids I knew and desperately tried to not stick out too much. You know I “had to get a drink” or “go to the bathroom” every time a slow song came on. All in all - not the worst experience of my life, but certainly not the best. Proud to report that I hung in there and kept going to church despite my hardships ;)
The positive result of all of this was that by the time all my friends turned 14, I had a few dances under my belt and was able to help them have a good time. Sometimes you have to be the first person to do something scary. And sometimes those big leaps of faith that you take don’t turn out well at first. And sometimes - you go through experiences just to be able to help the people around you. I eventually really hit my stride at stake dances (ha!) and I like to think that I was a catalyst in helping them be good experiences for other people. So much of the time, people need an example or a person to “give them permission” to not be afraid. It’s not always fun to be that person, but I promise it has merit.
NEXT! The last relationship I was in started somewhat inconspicuously. It was with a guy I went to church with (yay YSA wards!). I had bore my testimony and afterward he came up to say how much he enjoyed it (so classic). We talked about going paddle boarding that week because #pnw and he added me on Facebook that night. I kid you not we literally (in the literal definition of the word) messaged each other at the same time. Kismet amirite? This is where the fear comes in. That next week we went paddle boarding and hiking and I could tell I was starting to actually like this human. I had been in a relationship fairly recently and was maybe not quite ready to get back on the proverbial horse. But this guy was so nice! So nice in fact - that it literally made me nauseated. I called my sister one day to talk and she asked how things were going. I proceeded to tell her how he’d been doing so many kind things for me including taking me to the airport! ... and how it made me want to barf. She proceeded to tell me how I was an actual psycho and that I needed to "lean-in" to that barf-feeling and allow him to be nice to me. Let’s be real - this is not a normal reaction. What was really happening is I was terrified of getting my heart broken again (spoiler alert : I’m writing this as a single woman so that means that it happened :) ). However! I am so very grateful that I “leaned-in” to my fear. Grateful that I had faith in him as a human - that he had good intentions and was sincere. Faith in myself that I could handle being in a relationship. And faith in God that everything was going to work out like it was supposed to.
FINALLY! When I was young, I was terrified of the concept of eternity. When my Sunday School teachers would bring it up, or we’d talk about it in family home evening, or whatever the case may have been, I felt extreme anxiety. I remember one particular instance lying in bed and tears streaming down my face telling God that there was no way my brain could handle this anymore and that it physically hurt to think about.
So! With that I think the stage is set rather nicely for this next story. I had been dating a guy while living in Seattle and was pretty fond of this individual. He is a great human. There was going to be a meteor shower and we decided to go to a ski resort close by to watch it from the top of the mountains. As we rode the gondola up I had one of those moments in life when you are so completely happy and you know you are happy and it's extra enjoyable because of it (so meta). I wish I could accurately describe how insanely gorgeous it was up there. In that moment, I felt my humanity. Mount Rainier stood there looking us in the face and the Cascades surrounded us. The sun set and we set up to watch the stars. Not to make myself seem any more like a weirdo than I probably have, our conversation that night eventually turned to the spiritual and beyond that - eternity. I waited for that all too familiar fear to take my heart. And I waited. And it never came. I honestly don’t know if there was a place on this earth that could have made eternity seem more real to me and for the first time ever, I wasn’t afraid. The reason for this could be encapsulated in the scripture, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear," (1 John 4:18). I loved this person, truly, and that love took away an irrational fear that I had held my whole life. At that moment I wasn't focused on what will happen to me for the rest of my existence, what would happen to that relationship or anything else, I was focused on love. And that made all the difference.
We can be afraid of being a trailblazer, afraid of trying for something we want dearly only to face the same failure we have before and we can be afraid of the unknown. But in each of these situations, we have cause to have faith. There is so much beauty on the other side of fear. If you are having problems setting goals for the next year - try examining your fears.
Throw yourself at life. Things and people will disappoint you. Life will be hard. Things will not always go your way. But it will also be so beautiful. So much better than you could have ever imagined. Perfect and holy and yours.
The faith that you carry imbues a resilience in you. You can meet with disappoint, failure, grief, heartache because you know the end. You know God is on your side and all will be well.
Love you all too much! Best of luck in this New Year :)
ps - some good talks :)
Perfect Love Casteth out Fear by Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Fear Not to Do Good by Henry B. Eyring
Your Potential, Your Privilege by Dieter F. Uchtdorf
My least favorite Christmas song became one of my most favorite Christmas songs this year as I listened to the words and came to understand its meaning. The song I’m referring to is “The Little Drummer Boy.”
I was always so distracted by the “pa rum pum pum pums” in the song that I never really listened that closely to the lyrics. My husband was the one who prompted me to listen more intently to the lyrics, and he explained to me the meaning he found in the words of this song. Below are the lyrics to the song with the exception of the “pa rum pum pum pums.”
Come they told me
A new born King to see
Our finest gifts we bring
To lay before the King
So to honor Him
When we come
I am a poor boy too
I have no gift to bring
That's fit to give our King
Shall I play for you
On my drum
The ox and lamb kept time
I played my drum for Him
I played my best for Him
Then He smiled at me
Me and my drum
This song is about a boy who recognizes the baby Jesus as a great king. However, this little boy doesn’t have the resources to buy a gift that he feels is worthy of the King. So what he chooses to do is share his talents with the King by playing his drum. As this little boy says in the song, he plays his best for the King and the King smiles at him.
Ever since discovering the meaning of this song through the aid of my husband, I’ve thought a lot about what talents I could share as a gift for Jesus Christ this holiday season. Christ isn’t living here on the earth today, but as we learn in the Book of Mormon, “…when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God,” (Mosiah 2:17).
As we give our best in the service of others and share our talents, I believe that Christ will smile at us much like the song says that he smiled at the little boy playing his drum. Sharing our talents and serving others doesn't have a monetary value, but I believe it is worth more than any gift you could buy.
p.s. One way we can give our best in the service of God and those around us is by participating in the #LightTheWorld campaign. Check it out!
I've sat down many times over the last few weeks to write a post here on The Faith Friends blog. Each time I sat down to write, I felt like I couldn't compose my thoughts as succinctly as I wanted. So tonight I'm just going to write without worrying about the flow of this post (thank you for your patience if this doesn't make sense!).
Four weeks ago today, I gave birth to a little boy. During my stay in the hospital, I met some of the sweetest nurses. To me, they were like angels there to help me when my baby cried and I couldn't calm him, and there to help me when I cried because I was overwhelmed.
Meeting these angelic nurses reminded me that all of us have been given talents from God. I don't think these nurses know how much they touched my heart and my life. One nurse in particular saw my tear-stained cheeks after I met with a lactation consultant and sat down next to my bed to share with me her challenges nursing when she had her first child. (Side-note: My little boy had trouble nursing in the hospital and my meeting with one lactation consultant there was a very negative experience). Her words strengthened me and have stayed with me.
We all have been given talents. Sometimes we may think we're not making a difference in this world, but we never know who we touch through our words and actions. We should never doubt that we can (and do) make a difference.
The more I learn about history, the more I see humble men and women just doing what they felt God wanted them to do. This was my experience learning more about Martin Luther King Jr. at the Civil Rights Museum in Atlanta, GA.
It was incredible to watch the Civil Rights March on Washington, with over 200,000 peaceful protesters, to hear the speakers of the rally. It truly was witnessing a modern-day miracle via video footage.
After my visit through the museum I walked through the gift shop, the worker there asked me how I liked my visit. I responded with my love and admiration for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and then added the further thoughts that had been bouncing through each turn and each wall in the museum; "he knew who he was." The gift shop employee nodded, probably wondering what does she mean by that?
What made Martin Luther King Jr. different? His faith and foundation in the teachings of Jesus Christ helped him to know who he could call upon for strength. Martin Luther King Jr. knew who he was, a son of God with a divine heritage. He knew that he was called of God for a great purpose, he knew and felt truth through the Holy Spirit. He was a humble, educated, true follower of Jesus Christ. He understood that God will help us fight our battles. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was more than himself, he was filled with the power and spirit of God and THAT is his greatest accomplishment-his humility and trust in God.
I learned so much about how to fight our own battles, no matter the enormity. I learned that when you fight against something you always lose. You are filled with hate, contention, aggression. You are not free, but are under the deceptive chains of the devil. This is one of his snares.
"And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full.
And they that will harden their hearts, to them is given the lesser portion of the word until they know nothingconcerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell."
-Alma 12:10-11, Book of Mormon
When we are hard in our hearts we are spiritually dead, God cannot speak to us in this state and we are enslaved.
On the contrary I found that when we fight FOR something that is right we are filled with the spirit of the Lord. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. fought for peace, justice, freedom- God was able to be with him to fight his battles. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a conduit for God to be able to fight the battles with all of his children.
- He knew who he was
-He was educated
-He fought FOR something. not against.
I found personal freedom in this discovery within the walls of the Civil Rights Museum. No longer enslaved in the fight against those things in my country that feel unjust- I will follow the example of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and fight humbly, ferociously, and peacefully for those freedoms that are true and right and important for me and my family. I will know who I am, a daughter of God, and I will have His help in this process.
My apologies. I haven't posted in a million years. I blame business school for repeatedly kicking me in the face for the past two months. Which brings me to my next point.
We are all faced with new experiences in life that have a "learning curve". If you are like me, you want to get through that time as fast as possible and get back to being a contributing member of society. The start of business school has been one of those experiences for me - but it can look different for everyone. Starting a new job, becoming a parent (again even!), moving to a new place etc. These are times of high growth and learning that stretch us past the point we often think we can endure.
Since I knew school was going to be one of these experiences, I tried to prep myself for it. I even made up some hippie mantras to tell myself as a reminder when I started feeling anxious. But it has still been so hard. And even though I have tried so earnestly to be successful in my classes, I have been royally failing a lot (looking at you fuh-nance midterm! that's how you say "finance" when you are uppity). But! I am still learning. I know more about business now than I did a month ago - and that in and of itself is a success. One of the most beautiful aspects of life is that the purpose is to learn - and to ultimately learn to be like our Savior. Oftentimes in particular periods of growth, God is the only one who can truly help us. I've come to better appreciate the times when I know the only way I'm functional is by the grace of God. It strengthens my relationship with and appreciation of Him. Goodness what a time to be alive :) God is there to make our burdens light, to lift us up when our heads hang down in weariness and to be our biggest supporter!
My three tips for times like these (because all the best advice comes in threes... ;) ):
1. Be brave
New experiences are scary. But truth is, everyone else is scared, too. You can do it and you will do it and most wonderfully - God will help you. Have the courage to try the things that scare you - because not only will that help you, it also encourages the people around you to be brave :)
2. Be patient
You won't be perfect the first day. In fact, you probably won't be perfect for a lot of days :) All you can do is your best and your best is good enough. Honest truth. I keep telling myself to "just sit back on it" - like you do when you are first learning to ski or wakeboard. Those first few seconds with all the water up your nose are a holy terror, but you just have to hold on and know that you'll eventually come out on top!
3. Choose to be happy
You will look back on times like these with fondness - I know, I know, I want to slap everyone who says that to me in the face right now. But! It's true. We love to grow. And these are periods of intense growth. Enjoy it for what it is and choose each day to find reasons to be happy.
Life can be crazy - but there is also so much reason to be grateful.
love you too much!
PS - If you are really feeling that patience theme - this is my favorite talk of all time that I think I post about waaaaaaaay too often:
"Patience" by Neal A. Maxwell
Recently, as I’ve pondered ways to more fully connect with God and take time for holiness each day, I’ve thought a great deal about my use of social media. A couple months ago, I deactivated my Facebook account. I found myself getting sucked into my Facebook newsfeed too often and mindlessly scrolling when I was bored.
I felt a desire to separate myself from Facebook because I felt like doing so would help me more fully live in the present moment and find more time in my day to connect with God. I am expecting my first child in the next couple of weeks, and I don’t want to spend the quiet moments of motherhood gazing at my phone.
Social media can be such a powerful tool for good that allows for sharing light and messages of hope. It’s one’s individual use of social media that determines whether social media is a positive or negative influence on one’s life. While I deactivated my Facebook account, I am still active on Instagram. I love seeing the pictures that family members and friends post.
While listening to others discuss the benefits and perils of social media/technology, it occurred to me that there are two main categories of social media users: consumers and contributors. I mainly fall into the category of a consumer. However, I want to be both a consumer and a contributor.
Through contributing to conversations on social media, we can be lights. We can brighten someone’s day. We can spread happiness. We can share our witness of Jesus Christ. There is value in consuming, but I think there may be even greater value in contributing.
One’s use of social media is a personal decision. We each get to decide what social media outlets we’re active on, how much time we spend on them, and how much we consume vs. contribute. I want to do a better job of contributing versus merely consuming.
These are just some thoughts that have been floating around in my mind – thanks for reading!
It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and focus on our own challenges. Then we learn of the suffering of others and our perspective shifts. That's happened twice for me this week. As I see the devastation and suffering in Houston, my heart aches. As I get updates on a cousin's newborn baby's health challenges, my heart aches. I feel motivated to look outside myself and try and ease the burdens of others.
But it shouldn't take a natural disaster or a loved one's health crisis to motivate me to love more fully and serve more compassionately. That being said, I am a human with weaknesses, and I sometimes suffer from what I like to call "center of the universe" syndrome :)
I am grateful for a forgiving Savior who loves me regardless of my weaknesses; who taught me by His example what it means to serve and to have charity; and who will help me love more deeply and serve more compassionately today than I did yesterday.
I love this quote by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance."
I am grateful for countless individuals who have been answers to my prayers throughout my life, and I hope I can do the same for others.
In June we spent time as a family in Nauvoo. It was so serene and incredible. We
were able to walk the streets, have one on one time with each kid, get custard, watch Sunset by the Mississippi and Just Plain Anna Amanda, connect with missionaries, walk the trail of Hope and listen to the vignettes by firelight and fireflies, visit the Smith family cemetery, walk around the temple, take a wagon ride, and just BE in Nauvoo without a care in the world.
It was extra special for me to walk the Trail of Hope vignette with Samuel as Brad stayed with
Marie in the distance (because she was restless). We were able to go from actor to actor,
listening to their particular story of leaving Nauvoo and traveling west. They told their 5 minutes
each by firelight as the sun was setting. It started at around 8:45pm for us, and by the end it was
pitch black outside. I felt so astonished once again at the sacrifice of the early saints. They really
just walked into the unknown-and literally “walked”. Hearing each story of faith was just
overwhelming, to then question if the saints would be willing to do something like that
today-would I? Walk out into the unknown with my children, crossing the plains??? It is very
hard to see myself doing such a thing. But then I had to stop myself and ultimately came to the
realization that I cannot compare life now with life then. They are different, but in the end -am I
keeping my covenants? I guess that’s all I need to worry about. I can still honor the saints and
love them and look up to their ability to walk in the dark, but it is going to be an uphill battle if I
want to figure out if I could do it just like them.
It was magical walking down Parley street with Samuel, he was riveted at each performance,
and at one point when the fireflies came out- right in the middle of the actor’s portrayal he yelled
out - “fireflies!”, he really is my son, we both love those magical creatures.
I loved the walk down Water street, with Marie sleeping in the stroller, Brad was down at the
edge of Parley street skipping rocks on the Mississippi with Samuel and I had my time alone to
stroll. I was able to just fully be present in Nauvoo and the quiet of Joseph and Emma’s home. I
tried to imagine myself there with them, how it would feel to walk up to the mansion house and
say “hello”, once again I couldn’t imagine it-and I had to be ok with just feeling a gratitude and
love for them and this place.
I wasn’t there in Nauvoo in 1839 or 1846, I am here in Nauvoo now, in the 2017s. My experience
isn’t the same as the early saints, I don’t have to walk across the country or sacrifice the
well-being of my children for the gospel’s sake. But I do sacrifice my time, talents, and abilities,
and everything with which the Lord has blessed me- for what I am asked to do in building up the
kingdom of God on earth. Some of that sacrifice is just plain old, day to day motherhood.
It’s not a measurable sacrifice, nor is it something formal or put on display. It’s just waking up
and being there, and trying harder the next day, and working to have energy and to be well-for
them, because they need you more than ever and more than anyone. That is my trek across
the country, it is the morning till night, day after day of loving these children and working to be
better at it.
I am grateful for Nauvoo. That it will always be there . That God chose me to be a part of it in my
day and age. It is a living, breathing, entity, and not stuck in 1846. There is a Nauvoo today, and
it has a purpose for the 2017s. We remember those who were there, we love them, they are
everything to the church, but Nauvoo I found this trip, is here right now-today-and it is relevant
and brings me the peace and sunshine I need to be the mother of this generation and of these
very special children.
I was reading my scriptures the other day and had flipped to one of my favorite verses, Phillipians 4:13. I was reading the chapter and came across a verse that usually doesn't get as much of my attention:
I think it would be awesome to be content with whatever my circumstances in life! So! I went searching for some more words on the topic. I came across a couple of talks that had great insights.
Neal A. Maxwell hits it out of the park with this talk
Another favorite is this BYU Devotional given by Mary Ellen Edmunds.
Elder Maxwell speaks a lot about being content in our "allotment" in life, allotment generally referring to our circumstances. Our responses to what has been given to us, the choices we make based on our personal circumstances, are what matter.
This quote particularly stuck out to me:
"Being content means acceptance without self-pity."
Kind of a doozy, eh? My baby sister is about to start high school and I'm about to start school as well (again! another master's degree! because why not?! #allthemaster'sdegrees #andhogwartsgraduationrobes) So! We've had some good conversations lately. She had some really difficult things happen in middle school (turns out middle schoolers are still the worst) that are still affecting her life. There are things that I wish were different about my life, too. It's hard to not feel sorry for myself when I compare the "worst" parts of my life with the best parts of other people's lives. And whether we are entering high school or established in our careers or in whatever state of life we are in, that comparison is never going to make us happy. Finding contentment within the circumstances, or the unchangeable aspects of our lives, is a task!
"Developing greater contentment within certain of our existing constraints and opportunities is one of our challenges... Neither should we pine away, for certain things outside God’s givens ... because there is so much to do within what has been allotted to us. "
A real "epiph" (as we like to call them) happened when I read that. I have a tendency toward thinking if I just accomplish x/y/z, THEN I will be doing something meaningful. Or THEN I'll be working at full capacity or doing something important. We don't have to wait to be content. Who even knows what I'm waiting for. There is plenty for me to be doing right now to help others and improve my own life if I would just open my eyes. And when I DO open my eyes, I am content.
Sum up! It's our choice when it comes to contentment. Mary Ellen Edmunds reaffirms, "Contentment comes from within much more than it comes from without." Three things I think we need to focus on to be content:
1. Be grateful for how our life looks in this moment (helping others/service usually helps with this!)
2. Have faith that there is a purpose and point to the current circumstances of your life
3. Don't get too caught up with the day-to-day. Honestly, will this really matter in a week/month/year?
And! If all else fails - read this Kanye quote and recognize the realness :)
Love you too much!
Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself. - William George Jordan
Nearly seven years ago in Burlington, Iowa, I spent a day knocking on strangers’ doors and asked those who answered if they wanted to learn more about Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness for His children. At that time, I was serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Illinois Nauvoo Mission.
This particular day in Iowa sticks out in my mind because it wasn’t a normal day for me. You see, as a missionary in the Illinois Nauvoo Mission, I was stationed full-time at the church historic sites in Nauvoo. There I gave tours in the Nauvoo Visitors’ Center and other nearby sites. The purpose of my day trip to Iowa was to help sisters newer in the Illinois Nauvoo Mission prepare for their upcoming “outbound assignments,” where they would spend a few months in another state serving as proselyting missionaries. I had previously completed my outbound assignment in the Colorado Denver South Mission.
On this day in Iowa, I was nearing the end of my missionary service. During the drive to Iowa, I silently prayed to God and asked Him to accept my missionary service as an offering of my desire to use my hands and heart to always serve Him.
As I knocked on the very last door that day in Iowa, my heart filled with love, anticipation, and joy in regards to my future. No one answered the door, but as I stood on the doorstep, I felt in my heart that I was standing on the doorstep of motherhood. I felt deep down in my soul that my service as a missionary was acceptable before God and that my next major role in life would be to be a mother.
This was a tender and sacred experience, which I kept close to my heart. After I returned home from my mission, I graduated from BYU and moved to the Washington D.C. area where I had grown up. Months went by and then years went by without ever finding that “special someone” to marry. Sometimes I would think back on my experience in Iowa and wonder if I had conjured up those feelings I had on that doorstep. However, I still felt that the experience I had on that doorstep was a personal witness from God that His divine plan for my life included motherhood.
About five years after my mission concluded, I fell in love and married my husband in the Washington DC LDS Temple. Ironically, he was born and raised in Iowa. And now, nearly seven years since concluding my missionary service, I am pregnant with a baby boy.
If someone would have told me after my experience in Iowa that it would be seven years until I became a mother, I would have been very surprised. I would have thought based upon my experience that marriage and motherhood would come more quickly. However, I have learned that God’s timing is not our timing. Spiritual witnesses come to us in His time and in His way, and the actual manifestations of those witnesses also come in His time and in His way.
Last night, as my husband and I were reading in the scriptures, we read this verse from the Doctrine and Covenants, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers,” (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10).
Being humble means that we trust in the spiritual witnesses we receive. And even when we don’t see the physical manifestations of those spiritual witnesses, we still continue to believe and allow God to guide our path. I am not perfect at this, and I am certain that it is something I’ll need to work on for the rest of my life.
As I look back on the last seven years, I am so grateful for all of the experiences I’ve had, and I know that they were requisite experiences meant to mold and shape me into the person and mother God wants me to become.
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