I have been horrible about writing on this blog lately. To be completely honest, I haven't really wanted to. And to be even MORE honest, the reason for that is how casual I became in my faith. There wasn't a huge crisis, but I started to feel kind of ... meh. This from a girl who was still praying, reading scriptures, going to the temple weekly etc. However! I found myself going through the motions, and not really meaning it like I usually do.
I was speaking with my roommate in relation to this topic. I told her sometimes it's hard when you are living on your own to find the motivation to be better. I am doing fine, but it's almost as though I need extrinsic motivations to improve. (Which - probably don't ask for those :) ). And I stated that sometimes it's hard when your motivation has to be all intrinsic. And that only person that you really answer to is God, someone who will love you just the same regardless.
I guess when my little "aha!" break through moment came, was when I realized that God does love me the same regardless. There is nothing that I do or don't do that garners more or less love from Him. His love for me is eternal and perfect. My motivation to be better cannot be to gain more love from Him - I have to want to be better to show my love for Him. And in turn realize that I will be happier in the process.
I guess what I am saying is that everything ebbs and flows. And sometimes you might be going through the motions a little :) But what helped me best was remembering I am a child of God, who loves me, and who will always love me. When we are assured in the knowledge that there is someone who truly loves us, our fears are washed away and we have a better vision of our potential. Having that sort of confidence in the love of my Savior, allowed me to "pull it together, Picard!" and remember why I do care.
I am grateful for a God that has patience in my weakness, and that I can rely on for strength to be better when I turn to Him in faith. Life is such a beautiful journey and I hope that I am always learning what I can from it :) Hope you have all been doing well! And as always - thanks for being a friend and helping me be better!
Love you too much!
The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.
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