"For most, repentance is more a journey than a one-time event. It is not easy. To change is difficult. It requires running into the wind, swimming upstream." -Neil L. Andersen
I can tell everyone right now that the way I write my blog posts may be a little more informal, and I apologize for that. As Sister Ke$ha might say, "[I am] Who [I am]." But, I am excited to be able to share my testimony through my writing, as my speech is often fumbled and inarticulate and lacking in any type of theme or real "point," and I feel a little more confident in writing. Maybe cos I can't see peoples faces....? Idk. Moving on.
Also, I sense I'm not supposed to really talk about myself that often in these posts (not sure. blog curator, what are the rules here?), but hey, the prophet tells stories about himself all the time. So here, I am going to liberally talk all about my own personal experience because I'm a) vain and b) ...well, basically just vain I guess.
I am a 22 year old, pregnant lady. I use lady because I think that it is the most matronly descriptor in the English language. And by definition, is what I am in the process of becoming (also, I just googled the definition of "matronly" to make sure I was using it in the write context and not surprisingly, the phrase, "associated with having a large or plump build," was included in said definition. And yeah, I got that on lock right about now. S/O to my widening hips). But, I'm not going to talk about that here. What I am going to talk about right now, is the realization God helped me come to while in and because of my current state.
Thinking of being someone's mom is a really daunting thought. This is because my frame of reference is roughly:
When Joey and I were deciding to have a baby, I felt that I could adequately keep said future baby fed, healthy, and generally happy. Basically, the temporal needs of the baby would be easily met. But once I actually was pregnant, it occurred to me how unfair it was going to be that this baby's mom was waaaaay not legit. In a lot of aspects. Not that I am a self-loathing individual (see declaration of vanity above), but because I can see my weaknesses and I know they are abundant and I have made my fair share of mistakes. I thought, I don't think I deserve to have such a perfect human in my stewardship. I have made so many mistakes, and everyone knows that mom's have never made a mistake in their life.
When I realized that someone else would be relying on MY knowledge and MY testimony (at least for a little while), it caused me anxiety and guilt for not doing all I could and everything I was supposed to all of my life. What kind of an example am I?
Lucky for me, God wants me to be an awesome mom. He strengthens me through my weaknesses, and even assists me in everything--even if it seems insignificant at first glance. But a choice must be made; "will we repent, or will we pull the shades down over our open window into heaven? Alma warned, “Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point.” When we “pull the shades down,” we stop believing that spiritual voice inviting us to change. We pray but we listen less. Our prayers lack that faith that leads to repentance." (Neil L. Andersen "Repent...that I May Heal You." Conference October 2009).
SO, in summation. I do not want to pull down the shades on the blessings I can receive through trying to improve myself. I have learned that by choosing to strengthen Hanna at her core, repent, and have faith, I can be as happy as I want to be. I can be as awesome a mother as I am willing to work for. And, Christ knows my struggles and can help with them all.
Also, this is fave quote of mine of all time. and I forgot about it til now.
Messages of Faith
Our blog contributors will deliver consistent messages of faith to try and help all of us come closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Subscribe and receive an
e-mail update every time we post!