This takes me back three years, sitting on the edge of my bed, alone and crying to see the light of day. I felt like a fighter who had gone too many rounds and was almost down for the count.
This was not a bad day, this was the story of my life refusing to take hold, this was being told I would struggle to have children, this was not knowing what illness I had, this was being alone-changed plans-stripped of all the things that made “me.” This is where I have the strongest story of faith, and I want to share it with you because I believe your story will one day be the same. Glorious.
Call it the new David Archuleta single playing relentlessly in my head, call it a good adjective, whatever- all I know is there was a day when I was 22 and living in Salt Lake City and a woman told me I would never imagine the amazing things that would happen in my life. I can remember how those words hit between my eyes and trickled down somewhere deep inside, I knew it was truth.
Fast forward to age 26, coming home from a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the most sacred experiences of my entire life, it came with it’s own struggles and faith-testing cauldrons. I never would have expected that the next eighteen months home would turn out to be harder physically, emotionally, spiritually, than the contents of my mission. It was life, and I guess I forgot that this too isn’t our real home; we are on a mission, why should it be easy?
One moment on my full-time mission I sat in an empty chapel with my companion in Colorado Springs. It was during a very trying time and all I could think was- is this how the Savior felt? Did I understand Him better? All I along I thought it was about Him understanding me, and in that moment I realized this wasn’t what I needed to learn, what I needed was to understand Him.
There was nothing I could feel that Jesus Christ couldn’t understand, He who fell below the depth of all emotion- completing an act that transcended the eternities, galaxies, and all creation.
This blows my mind. And I guess it should, because we are not meant to fully comprehend the atonement of Jesus Christ without a spiritual gift of understanding. He knew me, I had a surety of this, but did I really know Him- really?
That is the quest of a lifetime, to know God. It is never ending; once you feel you reach it there is another layer to uncover, and each layer takes faith.
I looked at a picture hanging on the wall in my bedroom where my husband was throwing our son in the air while we both smiled looking up and I thought of you. Those women or men who think- when will my story begin? The one I’ve always dreamed of, the one I have a Pinterest board of, the one where I say- “yeah I guess I’ll go to one more singles ward activity,” or whatever your trial may be.
Sometimes we just need to learn more about Him and whatever you are going through is going to be the best way for that to be accomplished.
I will continue to have trials, and I will continue to fall on my knees not knowing the end or answer to some of life’s storms—but I will always have this happy ending, I will always have something I can say was a miracle.
I need you to know that no matter how lost, alone, or forgotten you may feel, it will get better. It will be more than that, one day after so many forgotten sunsets the sun will come out and it will shine, you will get your answer, you will know your story, and it will be glorious.
"And who shall say that Jesus Christ did not do many mighty miracles? And there were many mighty miracles wrought by the hands of the apostles. And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles." -Mormon 9 :18-19
Messages of Faith
Our blog contributors will deliver consistent messages of faith to try and help all of us come closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ.
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